If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
sex in a hospital.. check
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
