Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
