i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
