Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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