Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
