Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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