My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
