I don't usually arrange sex via text message
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
