I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
