I love black thongs
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
