if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
