Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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