omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
