I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
