I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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