I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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