I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
