i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
