I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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