That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
