My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
