i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
