He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
