Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
