They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
