Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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