sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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