Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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