i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
