She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
