what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
