remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She's the barista slut.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
