Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
