THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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