Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
