so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
