WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
