1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
