i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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