my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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