I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
