Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
