it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
