Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
