Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my shit smells like andre
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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