sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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