literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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