come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
