You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
