im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
