oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
