a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
two words: eviction party
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
