I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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