never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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