Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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