I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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