how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
